A dilemma approaches!

As I am someone who does a combined degree (Creative Writing and English), I have recently run in to trouble regarding my choices in third year.  In my previous blog entry I was talking about how I wanted to do my dissertation – and had my advisor set up and everything. I also wanted to do a creative project as that involves actually finishing the novel that I started years ago. Unfortunately, I have been told that it is not viable for me to do both options. This now means that I need to choose between the two of them – something I am finding impossible as of late. I really want to do a dissertation as I want something academic behind me should I choose to do a Masters and/or PhD. On the other hand, I want to actually finish my novel and I feel as though the only way to achieve this is to do it as my creative project. When you think about the fact that the novel in question was one I showed my tutor last year and she told me it was publish worthy when it was finished, I am of the mind that I should probably get a move on.

I have this problem where I lack motivation. It’s plagued me since the beginning of time, so I doubt that it’s something I’ll grow out of. I probably should have done so by now if that were the case. Instead, I am left with this lingering feeling of disappointment in myself and the need to actually kick myself up the backside and get a move on. Sadly, this doesn’t seem to be happening.  It happens with my coursework. It happens with my real life. It happens with everything and anything and it’s really starting to bother me. Don’t let this happen to you! Find something that does motivate you and don’t leave things till the last minute. You’ll regret not setting a pattern for yourself in the first year, believe me. I’m trying my hardest to make up for this in the second year and with my third year approaching, that trying is becoming a lot more focused when I think of everything I’m going to have to be doing.

In less pressuring news, I’m enjoying the fact that I have a two week break in France to enjoy when my studies are over and I break for the holidays. I will still be manning the phones here in the Enquiry Unit, never fear, but holidays are always necessary just to remind yourself that there’s a whole world out there that doesn’t revolve around books and studying and meeting deadlines. Usually the best friend and I are more adventurous in our travels. We’ve been to Canada, America and Rome so far, and none of them have been the kind of holidays where you sit on a beach and get tanned. We like the stimulation of the mind – going to places where you can walk around and see things. Canada was our geek-out, as we’re both pretty avid fans of Stargate: Atlantis and we paid to meet the actors and go around the sets. It was a very exciting experience. America was actually Florida where we went around Disney World, Universal Studios (Harry Potter World!!!!) and Sea Life Centre. Rome included everything you think it would; the Colosseum, the Sistine Chapel and the Vatican, and all of the Roman ruins we could get our hands on.

Why France? Pierrefonds to start with. It’s home to a wonderful castle where they film another of our favourite shows, Merlin. Then we’re moving on to Paris where we’re going to indulge our love of sight-seeing. We’re pretty easy to please and considering this is a holiday that could well have included a trip to St. Petersburg in Russia or a trip to Greece where we’re not so sure we want to get embroiled in riots, we’re pretty much taking the easy route.

Post-Modernism in a blog?

Post-modernism just doesn't work in blog form. Or does it?

I've been contemplating a post-modernist blog entry for a while now but what constitutes post-modern? Sorry. This is a question best left to my English literature course in which nobody can still come up with a viable interpretation. This is good for post-modernism but not so for my course. Imagine writing a 2500 words essay on post-modernism when you’re not even sure what it is?

In context with literature it’s probably a little easier. Meta – a thing which is aware it is a thing. So meta-blogging would be blogging about blogging? It’s all very confusing and coma-inducing unless you are, like me, fascinated by things that don’t make sense to you. I have been devouring everything and anything I can get my hands on re: post-modernism. I’ve read so many books that I would actually recommend to people. These include: House of Leaves which is quite a challenge to get through but one that ultimately pays off. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius which is another book that seems to put you off. The preface and the acknowledgments are almost chapter length themselves but I promise this books is worth it. It is very much the kind of book the title suggest! The last one I’m going to recommend now is Generation X. I took this one from the University Library because I wasn’t sure if it was one that I wanted to purchase. Rest assured, that book is now on my bookshelf; a bought and paid for copy.

Somehow my interest in post-modernism somehow led to me thinking about my dissertation. Don’t ask me how or why, it just did!

Apparently said dissertation is, “always worth talking about in your second year!” This quote comes happily from my personal tutor and future dissertation advisor. She seemed almost ecstatic to find out that I wanted to undertake this project and I had a brief moment where I pondered the sanity of actually deciding to do this but I got over it pretty quickly. The only reason I made this choice was because I’m aware that I have to have a title and an introduction before I actually start my third year. “Queer theory,” slipped out of my mouth before I’d really thought about it and suddenly I have three books being shipped from Amazon and a list of things from my tutor that I could research into. Now all I have to do is come up with a question.

            The application form for Dissertation has just literally showed up on my moodle and I’m glancing at it with something close to trepidation. It’s asking for a proposal in 200 words or less and all I’m doing is staring at the blinking cursor and thinking just how do you go from ‘Queer Theory’ to a proposal? This is a question that I am determined to tackle before the 28^th of April. Be prepared for a great many blog entries detailing my long and arduous journey into the land of dissertation.

           

Somehow I am still hung up on the fact that post-modernism has, in my mind, anything to do with Queer theory but I’m sure there was a connection there somewhere. There was! I just need to dig around until I find it. ...

The art of books and language

I don’t think it’s a huge surprise that I love reading. It could be, of course, but then I doubt you’ve really been reading my blog and have probably just been mocking me from afar. Don’t worry, I get mocked a lot in life but usually because I have my nose buried in a book and refuse to communicate with the outside world. Books have always been a source of pleasure and I think I picked up my first book before I could talk (exaggeration!).

I was discussing this with friends at the weekend and we came up with an impromptu ‘challenge’ of sorts about which of us started reading first and which of us started on the most complicated books before the others. This is something we discuss a lot; the four of us are avid readers and writers and I would definitely recommend surrounding yourselves with like minded people. I love my friends dearly but there is nothing better than a little spirited book competition to get your pulse racing!

The first ‘difficult’ book I read was the Hobbit when I was seven. I was miles ahead of the other students in my class and it was hard for my teachers to find me something challenging to read. I devoured the books in the library within months and I spent most of my pocket money buying 10p books from the charity shops. This meant that I unknowingly devoured more romance novels than my little mind could cope with and probably goes some way to explaining my hatred of the genre now that I am rapidly approaching my thirties.

Something about the Hobbit must have stuck because the fantasy genre has remained a favourite, branching out into sci-fi and dystopian novels. My bookshelves are lined with many a title from these specifically, although I have lately become enamoured with the Young Adult genre. It’s surprising how many really good books are coming from that quarter. When you’re used to reading the classics and devouring literature for an English course, the last thing that makes you feel like a proper critic of books is walking into Waterstones or Foyles and picking up a book entitled Percy Jackson and the Olympians. However, I can safely say that this series will surprise you. It surprised me. The series is incredibly well written and alluring and the characters are very well rounded and appealing. Most young adult books follow this same pattern – with the exception of Twilight. If there’s one thing I won’t tolerate it’s someone telling me the books are decent. They’re really not. (Again, this is merely a personal opinion, and does not reflect the opinion of the University ;))

{my actual bookshelf – well one of them!}

Speaking of decency....

In short story class this week, we had to give collective feedback on other people’s work. Collective feedback is a taboo term in this class apparently, because it seems to be comprised of people who don’t like talking out loud. I can forgive them because I know it’s very difficult for some people. However, when you’ve taken the time to read something aloud and you’re not exactly happy with your work, the last thing you need is someone saying to you that they, “don’t know how you can improve.”

I understand that it can be difficult to think of something constructive on the spot but I’m sure there is something you can say with that will help with the story. Part of being able to write your own story is having the ability to critique them. If you can’t find errors in your own writing, then it’s the opinion of this writer that perhaps this isn’t the career path for you. People are going to find fault with your writing; people are going to reject your writing and if you can’t deal with or accept that, then you’re in for a tough ride with editors and publishers. For every one acceptance letter, you’re bound to get ten rejections. This is just the way it works.

           

I’m currently writing a novel and I’m only on the first draft. I’m aware it’s going to need at least two before it’s any shape to send to a publisher. Granted, University is a lot different but the sentiment behind it remains the same; people want to improve. They want to be in a position where they are satisfied enough with their own writing that it can be sent to someone professional in the business and have it good enough to be printed and put on a bookshelf somewhere.

This is what I strive for. This is for what some of my fellow classmates strive for and, one day, I am going to have that book on that shelf and the pride I feel will come from the knowledge that receiving good feedback in class came a long way towards helping me get there. 

Resolutions

So one of my new year’s resolutions was to actually get my University work done and dusted and out of the way before I got too stressed over it. That worked, right up until last weekend. By Wednesday I had 63/3000 words and my essay was due on the Thursday. That was not productive. That was insane and it had never happened to me before. I didn’t actually know what I was doing, to be honest. It is one of those modules where you think you’ve made the right choice but the more the work comes, the less sure you are about your place in the class.

Not to say that I don’t enjoy parts of the lessons or that the tutors are less than stellar at holding my attention because that’s not true. I love most of the lessons and the tutors are really good at holding my interest and making me enjoy the work but I’m just not taking the knowledge on board. I’m really not used to this happening to me. I’m pretty good at learning in general and as someone who has been in education the majority of their life, I should be. I’m just not sure if this class is for me, despite being one of the modules that I was sure would help me on the step to becoming a teacher, as was the back-up decision life choice.

What a mess I’m making of this, huh?

I guess it can’t really be helped. I tackled the essay through Wednesday and Thursday and I did a damn good job to make it worthy of a grade. I hope it was adequate enough for me to scrape a pass. At the point where I had an introduction and an essay plan that I had no idea where to start with, I would pretty much take a scraped pass as proof that I’m not completely useless at this module.

However, I’m not going to let it get me down. The harder I work and the more I try to make this module as interesting as it can be for me and for my work standards, the better off I’ll be. Sometimes you just need to put a lot of effort in to get the payoff. Hopefully I can be better at this resolution than I was at the last!

In slightly less depressing news, I am going home this weekend to spend time with my best friend and my family so hopefully that will be cheery enough. Well. Considering the weather doesn’t get too bad before then. The last thing I need is to get snowed in and be unable to get back to London.

Here’s to hoping everything works out okay J

Of Kindles and Medals and America, oh my!

We have reached 2012!

I had a wonderful Christmas and New Year, spent with the best friends and sometimes the family, and I received some wonderful gifts, not least my brand new Kindle. I can’t put it down, even though I am still reading all the wonderful books on my six bookcases. Seriously. I think my bedroom is really just a library with a bed and a computer stuck inside of it. It’s wonderful except now I am torn between uploading books to my Kindle or actually buying them. Nothing can beat the wonder of reading a book in your hands, the small of new pages and the fact that it’s something you can keep through the years, even when the book is worn and some of the pages are coming away from the spine. That said, I adore my Kindle and will definitely use it for those long journeys to and from Uni, Work and when I am travelling overseas for whatever reason. A wonderful holiday device!

So. 2012! There is such a wealth of happenings this year that I am simultaneously sceptical, excited and terrified all at once. I suppose the first thing I should mention is the Olympics. I know, I know, nobody really wants to talk about that because I think everyone I have spoken to so far carries a certain amount of scepticism about how well we can actually pull this off. I think the first advert I saw on New Year’s Day was the one showing many, many people running down the beach in celebration of the Olympics. I myself carry a lot of scepticism. I honestly don’t know how London will cope under the onslaught of people, tension and pressure that the Olympics will bring. I will hold out hope, especially because I want to stand in Greenwich Park amongst the equestrian lovers like myself, and enjoy the entire experience. 

Moving swiftly onwards to the excited category! There are so many good and exciting things happening to me this year! Such a wealth of movies to interest my cinema-loving heart. The Hunger Games, the Spiderman Reboot, The Hobbit, The Avengers and War Horse to mention but a few. Tying in with my movie adoration is the news that, providing all goes well with ticket purchasing, I will be making a trip across the pond to San Diego for their major comic con in the summer. I’ve wanted to go for years and it warms my snow-cold heart to think that I may well be joining the ranks of geeks all amassing for a week of entertainment catered to our very interests! That all sounds very poetic but really, the excitement is definitely there. 

 

Lastly to the terrifying part. It’s the conclusion of year two and the beginning of the end: third year. Obviously that isn’t until September and I have the wonderful world of clearing before then (yay!) but there’s still a little bit of terror threatening to overwhelm me. I don’t think I’m quite ready for my University experience to be over. I have loved this part of my life and the prospect of  moving onwards and outwards just doesn’t appeal to me quite yet. I’ve been in education since the age of four and for the past twenty-three years it’s been my life. I’ve had jobs alongside it, the longest of which I still miss with my heart, but I’m still not quite ready for this chapter to be over.

Not least because that novel I have been writing, the one that is going to get me fame, infamy and cash (according to my family and best friends!) has been sitting on my hard drive waiting for me to actually get around to finishing.

I wonder if 2014 is too late to take it back out...